About internal conflicts in a peaceful place

My life is simple in Malmköping. Simple, but enjoyable. Every day I wake up around 7.30AM, complete my 15 minute work-out, have breakfast and feed the cats. I greet the chickens, while providing their breakfast and collecting fresh eggs. Guess what’s for lunch? I read in the hammock on the porch or in front of the fire place inside. Then I walk through the forrest and do a short meditation near the lake. Just before 2PM I get back and start working at the kitchen table, until I go to bed around 11PM. The next day is pretty much the same. 

There is an incredible sense of quiet and piece in this area. The friendly neighbours are always waiving (“Hey hey!”), when I’m walking by. It's the kind of place where nobody locks their doors and the closest grocery store is a two-hour walk or a thirty minute drive (one way) away. There seem to be more hours in the day and I’m picking up things I’ve been putting off last month, because of a lack of time (read: a lack of priority).

I read more, I write more, I think more. 

“What is it I’m doing with constant travel? Am I postponing real life? Or is this my real life? What is real life anyway? What is it that I’m looking for? How do I picture 2018?” These are difficult questions for me. I’m not ready to settle down yet (whatever that means). I’m afraid to give up the incredible sense of freedom and flexibility I feel right now, if I would. On the other hand: this kind of life can't last, if I want to start a family some day.

Unfortunately, my heart and mind are giving me conflicting advice. My mind tells me to keep exploring foreign countries, to take advantage of this luxury situation I'm in (my office is, where my laptop is). To keep growing, to keep learning about other perspectives, and to keep getting to know myself better. "Were the last 6 months not amazing?" 

My heart tells me to stay close to the people I love. Those are my friends, that is my family. "Isn't that where you feel most loved? And isn't it love, that makes you happiest?" The ironic part here: it’s personal growth, that taught me how to listen to my feelings. It used to be a lot easier when I could only hear my mind speak. 

But does it have to be black or white? Does it have to be a conflict? Can I design my life in such a way, that I’m closer to friends and family, while ensuring that I keep growing? I want to grow more, so I can give more. It’s a path worth exploring.